Thursday 21 November 2013

Three Little Words I NEVER Want to Hear Again!

Getting old sucks...a lot. 

Not that I am OLD by any stretch of the imagination (although my kids would beg to differ!) but as the years pass, I find that it is becoming more and more difficult to keep that youthful spring in my step.  Could it be because my life has become a bit more sedentary than years gone by?  Or is it because these bones of mine are becoming more frail? 

Answer is .... I DON'T KNOW!  All I know is that I need to get up off my ass and start doing things...anything.

Exercising alone wasn't an option.  If left to do this on my own, I knew that I wouldn't make it out the door.  So, I volunteered my friend. Susie Q to join me in this endeavour.  We worked together so doing something after our workday just made sense.  We searched the internet for activities that would get us moving and shaking.  Boxercise, salsa dancing, hot yoga, bikini booty camp...that's it!  An 8 week course called BIKINI BOOTY CAMP caught my eye.  It was offered at an outdoor downtown location, twice a week.  Autumn had just started and the weather was still nice.  I loved being outside so why not kill two birds with one stone? This would get me outside and moving.  Couldn't hurt, right?


Susie Q and I arrived for the first class really early (yeah...keeners!).  We walked around downtown, taking in some of the fine architecture that dots the landscape of our beautiful city, when we were suddenly hit in the face with the tantalizing aroma of what we like to call "street meat" -- sausages!  The smell brought me back to my university days and hanging out around campus. I would indulge in one of these sinfully good meals at least twice a week! Just the memory made me drool!  But surely we couldn't eat this before our class, right?

I still remember our discussion, pondering if we should or shouldn't.  It was a series of statements that really didn't leave room for the option of "no". 

"We haven't eaten since noon, we will need the energy to get through the class"
"Whatever calories we eat now, will will burn up later"
"It smells so good and it's not like we eat this everyday"
"What else are we going to do for another 45 minutes?"

We were doomed from the first waft of air that floated into our nostrils, carrying the smell of barbecued meat.

The sausage was cooked to perfection and the bun was heated just right.  Together they formed a perfect blend of carbs and protein (maybe) that was so hard to resist.  I didn't know what I loved more -- the warm bun or the hot sausage.  All I remembered was, when the two combined, my taste buds were doing a happy dance.  Next came the toppings, ketchup, relish and hot peppers for me.  It. Was. Delicious.

Back on the grassy hill, where our class was taking place, other women starting convening. There were young women, older women, fit women and the not so fit women (us!).   We all wore the same look of panic, after all this was boot camp.  Our worried faces relaxed as we saw the cutest and most dainty gal walk up the hill with her ipod and speakers.  The instructor looked so sweet and nice!  This was going to be a piece of cake!


This delicate looking flower morphed into the meanest and nastiest drill sergeant that would make a 6' man tremble in his boots.  She pushed and yelled and screamed and got in our faces.  "You wanna get in shape?? Then no stopping unless you die!"  She made Jillian Michaels look nice!  


Every muscle I knew about was screaming at me and the muscles I didn't know about were angry at the rude awakening from their eternal blissful slumber.  But the worst part, the part that I had complete control over, was my full stomach.  The street meat I had eaten not 2 hours before was making me sick!  What had tasted so good, so savoury, was now causing the most horrific heart burn.  With every push up and burpie, I had to fight the urge to throw up.  My body was at it's breaking point and just when I thought I was ready to pass out, the class was over.

Sitting on the grass, I looked around at the women.  There wasn't one smiling face in the crowd.  Some were panting, some were bent over heaving, some were strewn across the lawn gasping.  All were ready to die. Everyone, that is, except the drill sergeant, who, not two seconds after class was over, turned back into that perky, sweet angel from before. Her deafening, commando voice that yelled obscenities and really mean things at us for the past hour disappeared and back was the slight twang of her delightful southern accent.

"See y'all Thursday for another BIKINI BOOTY CAMP class!"

BIKINI BOOTY CAMP = fear and PAIN!!!! (and really bad indigestion!)

Talk to me!  What three words scare the bejesus out of you?  Share your thoughts! I would love to know!!


  1. #1 sorry
    #2 can't
    #3 impossible

    1. Gigglz!!! Didn't think you were reading me! Nice to know! And love your choice of words..positive chap aren't you??? Don't forget them...ever!!!

  2. 1. failure
    2. fat
    3. dentist

    Great post! I've done a boot camp. They're intense!!!!

    1. Thanks Beth! Made it through the 8 weeks and even lost a bit of weight but unlike childbirth, I still remember the pain! Your three words scare me too!!!!

  3. Diet, marriage and debt
    Hate all three words especially when directed at me!
    Love your blogs Audrey.

    1. oh I like your words...thanks for reading!! i hope to keep people entertained with them!! how are you?

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