Tuesday 29 April 2014

Perfection...To Be or Not To Be?

I feel as though I walk through my life in a constant state of urgency. There are always things to do, meals to prepare, laundry to be done and work to finish. Slip in the occasional hour or two to jot down some creative words and about five to sleep, you have an inkling to what my days are like. Maneuvering through the 24 hour period is usually without incident but this past week has been the week from hell. If the day was only three hours longer, so much more could get accomplished.

People tell me I should simplify, pare down the must do’s and need to do’s and focus on what is really important. If I followed that wonderful piece of advice, I would put a big NO on my front door, turn off all electronic devices, drop the kids off at a relative’s place and disappear for an unknown amount of time. I felt the stress this week and the fear of not being able to get it all done.  And that is the part that gets to me – NOT GETTING IT ALL DONE.  How can Super Mom, that perfect ray of sunshine that radiates love and joy to one and all, not check off all the things on her to do list?

I could feel the angst and frustration build up within me and I tried to breathe deep and exhale. That doesn’t always work. How could it?  It didn’t change the fact that I had to run the kids to their activities, get groceries done, do some laundry and put the final touches on two stories I was submitting for a writing contest.

A friend insisted that delegation of duties (she sounds like an army sergeant) was needed.  The kids could take on some tasks. So I tried. That lasted for ten minutes. After I carefully explained what needed to be done, I was met with, “Ok Mom, I will”.  Only they didn’t. So I gently reminded them again of their tasks at hand, reinforcing that it was so super wonderful that they were helping out (deep breath in and exhale here – they didn’t note the sarcasm in my tone).  And off they went, muttering something under their breath that I don’t want to know…EVER.  Things were moving along tickety boo until I went to check on them.

Enter, Super Mom, the perfectionist. Of course, they were doing it all wrong. The beds were not neatly made with pyjamas tucked under pillows. The folded laundry was just tossed into drawers and closets. I could feel my breath quicken and of course, I felt compelled to fix it all. How could I let it be less than perfect?

The kids watched as I pulled back the blankets on the bed in a fit. They looked at me as though I was a lunatic. What was I doing? I sat on the now unmade bed. I was teaching my kids to get all worked up over the small, insignificant things. Who cared if hospital corners were missing and that the t-shirts were mixed in with the socks? They were helping me and in one full swoop of pulling back the bed sheets I had undone all their effort.

And then it hit me.  The lesson I should be teaching my kids.

Sometimes getting close is perfection enough. It’s the effort that counts.

Talk to me! Is being good enough the new perfect in today's crazy world? How do you deal with juggling everything on your plate?

14 comments:

  1. Good enough is, well, good enough! No one is supermom and perfection is unattainable. I wrote a post earlier this week about trying to not be so busy, and the best comment someone left was that we should remember that we are doing what we chose... that we are abundant, not busy. For me, it's a matter of how I look at it. I love the line from Eckhart Tolle, "Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it." I know it sounds all wishy washy, but sometimes we need to embrace the suck and realize that there's not-so-fun things that need to be done, but we just do it and move on. And some things CAN be put off until tomorrow to save today's sanity :)

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    1. Love that Eckhart Tolle line also and I try to remember it all the time. And I completely agree with the person who commented that we are doing what we choose. It is all about priortizing and doing what makes a difference. Yes, we do need to do the "not so fun" things but these shouldn't take over our life. Thanks for commenting! Gave me some more food for thought!

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  2. not if the definition of "perfect" is: "...having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be which sounds like either: a) an imaginary person or 2) a person person, (fondly and/or pointedly remembered) I mean, where did you start? half perfect? 3/4's perfect? 1/8th perfect?? The obvious problem with absolutes is that they are 'infinite' and the (common) usage of absolutes as a club... (not saying anyone in particular, but how is it, that anytime we question ourselves on how perfect we are, it is in the context of someone else 'being perfect'.

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    1. Thanks for commenting. I think you are bang on. Our view of perfection is definitely based in the context of looking at someone else being "perfect". The grass isn't always greener, that I have learned perhaps the hard way. But through my journey I am learning balance and that is what makes life easier and more enjoyable.

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  3. To me a SuperMom is someone who wears many hats but knows when she needs to ask for help and when she needs to delegate and it is knowing when to say no, "I can not take on anymore right now". There is great power in knowing your limitations. I am a bit of a perfectionist myself but I have learned when someone is willing to help you it will probably not be done the way you would do it but that is okay. "Perfect" is a relative term and it was you choose to make it mean. When my daughter cleans her room and throws everything in the closet but it is all off the floor and her bed is straightened it is perfect for her and she did it herself. I should note she is only 51/2 years old. You are a SuperMom because you realized that doing your best is great and as we keeping trying we will only get better.

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    1. Absolutely Carolyn! We need to know what our limitations are and accept them. Asking for help is always a challenge. For a long time I thought that this was a sign of weakness, of incapability and I had something to prove. I didn't want the pity of other people, I wanted to prove to them and more importantly, myself, that I could do everything. But lately, I am happier with being able to accomplish what I can in a 24 hour period and enjoying time with my kids. :)

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  4. Ah, perfectionism. It taunts me, because I'm a perfectionist, but I rarely do anything perfectly. It's been a process, learning to let go of the perfectionism.

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    1. I completely understand how difficult the process is. I still struggle but am getting better and turning a blind eye to the pile of laundry and messy desk. We impose perfectionism on ourselves and when we finally give ourselves permission to just "be" life is better! Thanks for commenting!

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  5. So true! I based the whole name of my blog around this idea that perfection is pending. It is. We'll never reach it, and we need to stop trying so hard to make it that way, and find peace with the effort. That's the hardest part for me. I get it.

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    1. Amen! I read your blog and it's great! I am getting there and I want to teach my kids this lesson before the idea of perfectionism hits them in the face. Thanks!!

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  6. I really need to stop getting worked up over little things - I never thought I was a perfectionist or a control freak until I had kids.

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    1. Same thing happened to me! Imposing perfectionism on our single selves doesn't seem to be as challenging since we only have one person to deal with. When I became a mom, it became increasingly difficult to let go of that. I started to let go over the past few months. My greatest discovery was I can only control the things that I DO, not my kids, parents, society, etc. It's getting much easier now :) Thanks for reading!

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  7. The number one way to confirm whether or not you're a control freak is to cook with them. Good lord, I'm a pain in the ass! I think I'm going to be all fun and enjoy the experience, and next thing I know I'm picking every little crumb off the counter, calling out "don't make a mess!", and correcting their stirring. I should drink more, probably. I'm much less controlling when I'm buzzed. LOL

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    1. LOL you kill me Beth but I am the same way. Walking around in a perpetual state of "buzz" may help but I think I would still be picking up the crumbs and offering advice on how to do it properly. I need to find my zen and learn to let it go! :)

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