Monday 3 February 2014

Love is An Action Verb

Technology scares the hell out of me!  Create a webpage? Tweet? Post? All these things were completely foreign to me but I prevailed!  I am still learning every day but am so much further than when I began.  

The wonderful thing about this blog is that it fully immersed me in the world of social media and I have encountered a plethora of new friends and acquaintances.  Some, like my main gal Beth, took me under their wing and helped me navigate these strange waters.  She introduced me to many other forums and bloggers and I feel as though we have known each other for years, even though we have never met or even spoken live! Beth writes her own blog, which is A M A Z I N G!  Her voice is true and resonates with everyone. I love her candour, shoot from the hip style and sense of humour that comes through the screen. Check her out at Writer B is Me.

I have also had the opportunity to chat with people who felt that my words have spoken to them, given them some insight into their otherwise stressed and hectic lives. My chats have involved everything from writing to raising kids to being a single mom to mending broken hearts.

One of the most poignant discussions I have had with many is how do you keep love alive? How do you keep the intimacy strong? It is something I struggled with in both my relationships.

Couples often forget to grow in their relationships and marital issues are a direct result of that. Women become so busy raising their children and lose sight that they are women first.  Men are so preoccupied with being the provider that they are too tired at the end of the day to engage. Couples become so intertwined in the family and picture perfect life that they forget to make time for each other as a couple and on their own as individuals.

In a nutshell, they fall out of love with themselves which as you know, is what my blog is all about: my journey of falling for me again and to never fall out of love with myself, no matter what life throws at me.

Now, I am not a Ph.D but I had life experience and my share of broken hearts, all of which, I have discovered, stemmed from not loving myself first. We all need to nurture ourselves and remember to focus inward so we can project better outwardly. These are just my learnings and are not meant to be strategies for the general populous. Everyone has a different coping mechanism that works for them and I would never suggest that what is good for me is good for you.

A wise old woman once told me that a relationship is like a garden. Unless you take the time to water it, feed it and occasionally pull out the weeds, it will wither away and die. How often you care for this garden shows your commitment to it and that is how it will sustain a life of its own.

The one piece of advice I can share that I have learned over the years is expectations ruin relationships.  Let things evolve organically.  When you put expectations out there, people will never measure up to your standards.  Acceptance is a better tool to use to maintain a healthy garden.

Talk to me! How do you ensure that you never fall out of love with yourself?


  1. Audrey, you're so precious to mention me, and say all those crazy-beautiful things about me! I had incredible people who helped me when I started and I'm only paying it forward. I loved your voice from the first time I read you, and I'll always champion your blog! XOXO

    AWESOME about your new friendship with Jeff. :)

    1. I meant every word about you Beth! You are super fantastic and just an all 'round awesome person! Jeff was unexpected but what a delightful and insightful discussion...learned a lot today about people! And here I thought I was running out of ideas for my blog posts ;)

  2. These are some new and quite fascinating thoughts here, Audrey. I'm glad you were able to help Jeff, and that you worked with him as he tried to figure out what to do.

    As to your last question. I don't. I'm not. I never have been. So I don't know, but I hope you get some good answers that I can read and begin to learn from.

    1. Thanks Lizzi! I love that you have never fallen out of love with yourself, no matter what life throws at you. Your strength is admirable and I am betting that you have an absolutely AWESOME support system around you :)

    2. Alas - the other way around, and why I want to see more answers. I've never fallen IN love with myself. So I can't fall out. I have the support system and I'm lucky because I need it so much.

    3. Lizzi, I would never have guessed that you haven't fallen in love with YOU. You seem so together, despite what life throws at you. I think you are awesome. I think that the people around think that you are awesome. And I am sure that every blogger out there that you have come into contact with thinks the same. You just have to believe it. I learned that acceptance is the only way. Don't try to live up to an expectation that family, friends or society puts on you. If only we learned from early on HOW to love ourself, then we wouldn't have to go through this self hatred crap. But maybe, just maybe, that is part of the process. How do you learn how to love if you don't go through the hate? In any case, I see no reason at all why you shouldn't be showering yourself with love and lots of it. YOU ARE FABULOUS and when I read you and see what you do, I am in awe...and I've told you that before!!!

    4. You have, and I appreciate it, hugely. But...I'm still struggling so much to overcome those ingrained things. I think that's why. The largest part of my childhood (from 7-19) I spent being undermined and given the strong impression that I was mostly an impostion. I had no self-worth because there was no self to value. And certainly anything *I* thought was valuable didn't count, because my (worthless) opinion didn't count. It's taking a long time and a lot of drip-feeding of positives to get towards anything approaching self-love.

      But I'm striving. And in the meantime I do genuinely enjoy and appreciate when people choose to say nice things to/about me, even if it feels as though they made a mistake in saying them, and really the nice things belong to someone else.

    5. There are times that I still feel that what I have to say holds no value with the people that should matter most in my life. They still see the young girl I was and there are times that I think that they dismiss me without a second thought, despite all my accomplishments and successes. I try not to inject myself in their lives too much because even though I know who I am and what I have to offer, they make me second guess my worth. I have been told, quite sternly, by a loved one, that I shouldn't care what others think. Easier said than done. I know that self worth comes from inside but when the people closest to you make you feel like a lesser being, it really wreaks havoc on your soul. Like you, I appreciate all the kind words but never 100% believe them. Sad, isn't it? Maybe that is why I get lost in my writing and I am so glad I immersed myself in this creative process again.

    6. Ack. It's very hard to be so diminished. I'm glad you've found ways of protecting yourself from that - your thoughts and actions sound healthy.

      And yes - it's SO much easier said than done to stop caring what other people think. And in all honesty, I don't think we're designed to. We are a social species and at heart, our very survival DEPENDS on being accepted and included in the group. Which is why exclusion feels so very painful, and why we take steps to act in a way which makes us acceptable.

      I'm glad you get lost in your writing and find solace there. I find solace but also space to untangle my thoughts, which is vital. (I'm also glad I can read you and have been introduced to you via Beth. Gotta love the ways the Blogosphere works :) )

    7. I'm glad that Beth introduced us to and that I can read your words and chat a bit more personally! Yay for the least we all have each other :)