Adam's Rib

If there is something that I have learned in my journey so far it’s that happiness, true happiness has to come from within. It has to flourish inside, fed by your attitude and outlook of all the nuances that surround you.  It doesn’t come from consuming yourself with thoughts of “if only”. Too many times people get caught up in these words, “if only I had money”, “if only I had a partner”, “if only I didn’t have to work so hard”. 

If only sucks.
 
And it sucks more when people thrust it upon you.

The other day an acquaintance alluded to the fact I would be happier if I found a man to love. I took offense to that. I gently reminded him that I AM happy and counted off all the reasons why:

v  I have two beautiful children who give me joy everyday
v  I live in a home that I created
v  I have wonderful family and friends that I surround myself with
v  I have a job I love
v  I feel good about all my accomplishments
v  I feel even better about all my possibilities

And the list went on. 

But not anywhere on that list was an “if only I had a man then my life would be perfect”.

My life is perfect. It took a few obstacles and challenges along the way to make me realize that the sun does shine every day and that I was happy with myself. How could I expect to share a life with a partner or my children or my friends and family if I wasn’t completely and honestly happy with ME?

Some say Eve was created from Adam's rib but does that mean her happiness is embedded within him? A man doesn’t have to breathe life into a woman to make her feel worthwhile. Does this person think that a woman is not complete unless there is a man to complete the equation? 

I am complete. I am happy. I am strong.

And while I have a tremendous amount of love to give and share, having a man in my life won’t change these.

I must admit that the postulation that my future state of happiness was contingent upon falling in love made me happier. Why? Because I realized that even if this would never be actualized I was happy. 

I am in love with ME.

Talk to me! Have you ever felt that if you could just reach that one thing or meet that one person life would be better?

Love is An Action Verb

Technology scares the hell out of me!  Create a webpage? Tweet? Post? All these things were completely foreign to me but I prevailed!  I am still learning every day but am so much further than when I began.  

The wonderful thing about this blog is that it fully immersed me in the world of social media and I have encountered a plethora of new friends and acquaintances.  Some, like my main gal Beth, took me under their wing and helped me navigate these strange waters.  She introduced me to many other forums and bloggers and I feel as though we have known each other for years, even though we have never met or even spoken live! Beth writes her own blog, which is A M A Z I N G!  Her voice is true and resonates with everyone. I love her candour, shoot from the hip style and sense of humour that comes through the screen. Check her out at Writer B is Me.

I have also had the opportunity to chat with people who felt that my words have spoken to them, given them some insight into their otherwise stressed and hectic lives. My chats have involved everything from writing to raising kids to being a single mom to mending broken hearts.

One of the most poignant discussions I have had with many is how do you keep love alive? How do you keep the intimacy strong? It is something I struggled with in both my relationships.

Couples often forget to grow in their relationships and marital issues are a direct result of that. Women become so busy raising their children and lose sight that they are women first.  Men are so preoccupied with being the provider that they are too tired at the end of the day to engage. Couples become so intertwined in the family and picture perfect life that they forget to make time for each other as a couple and on their own as individuals.

In a nutshell, they fall out of love with themselves which as you know, is what my blog is all about: my journey of falling for me again and to never fall out of love with myself, no matter what life throws at me.

Now, I am not a Ph.D but I had life experience and my share of broken hearts, all of which, I have discovered, stemmed from not loving myself first. We all need to nurture ourselves and remember to focus inward so we can project better outwardly. These are just my learnings and are not meant to be strategies for the general populous. Everyone has a different coping mechanism that works for them and I would never suggest that what is good for me is good for you.

A wise old woman once told me that a relationship is like a garden. Unless you take the time to water it, feed it and occasionally pull out the weeds, it will wither away and die. How often you care for this garden shows your commitment to it and that is how it will sustain a life of its own.

The one piece of advice I can share that I have learned over the years is expectations ruin relationships.  Let things evolve organically.  When you put expectations out there, people will never measure up to your standards.  Acceptance is a better tool to use to maintain a healthy garden.


Talk to me! How do you ensure that you never fall out of love with yourself?

Monogamous Non Relationships

I have an old friend who is a bit of an enigma.

I love him dearly and he has seen me through the good, the bad and the ugly.  A sounding board for all my daily wins, losses and catastrophes, he has been a constant for me in a forever evolving path.

He is the first one to say I should be out there having fun, that I should be focused on that and not falling in love.  As much as he professes he won’t settle down, he has gone through his share of what we like to call “monogamous non-relationships”.  I love the fact that he views this as a happy alternative.  Don’t get me wrong, he is a kind and gentle man who always treats a woman right. 

But I want to know, what the hell is a "non-relationship"?!? 

If you are spending intimate moments with only one person, isn't that a relationship?  He thinks he is fooling the system but I think he is knee deep in it! 

He has been blessed with the knowledge that a lot of men lack, how to make a woman happy and keep her happy.  Every woman’s best friend and a man true to his word, he makes every woman feel special and inspires her to do things she never thought possible.  He sees her potential, not her limitations.

Amazingly, he is able to keep great friendships with all his past lovers, a feat many men would be reluctant to want to accomplish.  I often envy him for the ease in which he maneuvers in and out of this “non relationships”, although I do feel that in some way he longs to find the “one”. 

So what is making these "non-relationships" work for him?  I think I figured it out.

Expectations.

There are no crazy, honey-why-aren't-you-calling-me-twelve-times-a-day, crying into your pillow, waiting by the phone, nagging demands being placed on either partner. 

Maybe I needed to look at things the way he did.

Maybe he had a point.
(P.S. He is totally in love right now and is IN a relationship!)