Thursday 6 February 2014

Life Lessons from Being a Mom

I found out I was pregnant with my first child on September 11, 2001, just as the Twin Towers came down through a horrible act of terrorism.

I listened to the doctor congratulate me, as the school's principal where I worked, ran into the building, in a frenzy, "The world is coming to an end...oh my goodness...oh my goodness" I hung up the phone, trying to make sense of all of this. We turned on the television and I watched in horror. In one day, the world, as we knew it and understood it, changed.

Not even 30 minutes passed before parents began arriving to collect their children. All had tears in their eyes and hugged their babies and held them close. Fear made them stop in their tracks and gather the things that really mattered to them.

I didn't know what was going to happen next. All I knew was a child was going to be born into a different world than the one I had lived in.

I have never taken being a mother for granted. Never. Not once. It is an incredible gift that I was fortunate to be given. My children are my reasons; they are the stars, the moon, the sun and my universe. I am here to guide them and help them realize their full potential.

Funny thing is, while I have been doing that, they have taught me lessons I would have probably never learned had they not been part of my life.

Lesson #1 - Now, I know what it means to love unconditionally. There is no one else in this world that I would lay down my life for or walk to the ends of the Earth for. No matter how upset they make me, no matter how frustrated I become with them, the fact is I love them. And because of this, I have changed how I deal with upset and frustration. As a single mom, I get to play both good cop and bad cop, so I have to be careful how I handle these roles.  My children know, without a doubt, that when "bad cop” mom rears her head, it isn't because she doesn't love them, it's because she is unhappy with their behaviour. This leads to lesson number two.

Lesson #2 - I have learned to be careful with my words. Words are powerful weapons and sting more than anything. They last. Once said, they are out there forever, lingering in the air and in the deep corners of our minds. They haunt and torment us, hidden in our subconscious and manifest themself in our darkest hours. I tell my children I love them, every day. I tell them I am proud of them, every day. I tell them they can be anything they want, every day. I shout out their accomplishments and I acknowledge their defeats, with kindness and encouragement. They know that I don't care if they fail, what is important is that they are happy with their own attempt.

Lesson #3 - Slow down. This one was not so much learned but forced upon me. Kids are kids and essentially don't see the urgency in EVERYTHING the way adults do. The take their time to envelop themselves in their surroundings, noticing all the little nuances we, as adults, miss. This becomes abundantly clear when we are on vacation. You see, mama bear always had an itinerary to follow and, inevitably, one (or both or all three of us) would end up in tears. Slowing down means you get to see the world through their eyes and smell the roses. And believe me, it's incredible!

Lesson #4 - Play is good! Play leads to laughter and laughter leads to memories, great memories. I used to be so focused on the full basket of laundry or the dust that blanketed all surfaces of my house. Every weekend would be about cleaning and running errands.  Then one day, exhausted from the usual hustle and bustle, my son asked me why I didn’t like to play.  That was when it hit me! I didn’t want him to remember me like that. The mad woman who ran around tucking in chairs, washing floors, dusting furniture, folding laundry and ensuring everything was just so. It wasn’t until my son articulated those words that I realized when I was doing all this “stuff”, I was losing precious moments with my children that I would never get back (mind you, after the incredible insight my 4 year old gave me, I wondered how much I had already missed!) Now we play. We sing. We dance. Every weekend. Fun, silly stuff. Stuff that they will remember with a smile when I am long gone.

Lesson #5 – You can’t change what has happened. I used to walk around with an overwhelming sense of guilt that my children were part of a statistic that stated 1 in 3 marriages fail and that they would grow up in a divorced home. I hated that they wouldn’t be able to see what a functional, loving and respectful relationship was between a man and woman.  They wouldn’t see what it meant to be someone’s other half.  But one needs to be whole before you can be part of another’s life.  And that was what I was learning.  I told this to my friend years ago, while sipping wine at the dining table.  I thought my daughter was so entranced in her activity but she overheard my comment.  “But Mom, you are showing us how to be independent and strong. It doesn't matter what happened before.”  Lesson learned. Loud and Clear.

This is why I love my kids so much.  And I am sure that as the years pass, I will accumulate many more lessons to add to this list.

Talk to me!  What lessons from your children have you learned in your journey?


8 comments:

  1. I love this post. It's such a great reminder that we can learn so much from our kids if we will just allow ourselves to hear what they are saying and showing us.

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    1. Thanks Rhonda! Adults have a way of not paying attention to our children (and elders for that matter!) and we miss so much. There is something about their untainted views and innocence that make looking at things through their eyes so wonderful!

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  2. I can't speak for all moms but these are very important reminders for me. It's not just about loving them, that's the easy part. Slowing down, enjoying them, teaching them AND learning from them. Thank you for a lovely, lovely post!

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    1. Sandy, thank you for the kind words. Every once in a while we need to remember these lessons before it is too late. It is my wish that my children never lose sight of these as they grow older and become busier and more entrenched in "adulthood". Would the world be more wonderful if we kept these lessons in our thoughts everyday??

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  3. very good lessons. too bad everyone can't/won't learn them.

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    1. Thanks Mike - one parent at a time is all it takes and if they don't learn then they will never know what they missed. Funny how I find that my friends and family who are not parents get these rules a lot faster than parents.

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  4. I can't imagine finding out your pregnant as the world appears to be falling apart. Intense joy and extreme sadness and fear. I love your lessons. They apply for all of us, no matter what age. You're teaching your children how to survive unexpected difficulties and they are teaching you to enjoy the moments. I especially love what you son asked you about playing. What fun is life if we don't get to take time off to play?

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    1. Jennifer! I just found your comment in a spam folder that I didn't even know existed on my blog! I am so sorry for the late reply! Thank you so much for reading and I agree what fun is life if we don't get to take time off to play??? I should follow my own advice right now...life has been crazy busy of late and I need to play and laugh and dance around like no one is watching! In fact, I am going to do that right now ;)

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