Thursday 12 December 2013

Married Twice...Proposed to? Never! Part DEUX

Fast forward a couple of years...

Needless to say marriage number 1 failed miserably.  And yes, the proposal should have been a tell tale sign.  I distinctly remember saying that to my best friend and yet, I fell into the same predicament with the second proposal.   

I met husband number 2 while doing some temp work one summer.  Teaching only took up 10 months of the year and I hated staying home during the summer months.  Usually, I volunteered to do one month of summer school but that year the school I taught at was renovating, so this wasn't an option.  I asked around for some occasional work and found some clerical work at a reputable company.

The work was easy and it kept me busy two to three days a week.  It was here where I met "him".  He did some contract work for the company and would drop into the office at least once a week. It was his sense of humour and sarcastic wit that I found charming.  He made me laugh and I hadn't laughed in a long time.  One afternoon, he asked me out and I said, sure.

Now, I should have known from that first night out that it wouldn't work.  The lack of effort he put into this first date was astonishing.  He showed up 45 minutes late, in sneakers, sweat socks, wrinkled jeans (that looked like they had been forgotten in the dryer for weeks) and a sweat shirt.  Yes!  A sweat shirt!!  Who wears one OUT on a date?  I was being critical, I knew it, so I decided to take a deep breath and turn a blind eye to the catastrophe that was in front of me. 

And a blind eye it was!  Somewhere during our meal, I thought to myself, I could go out with him again. He had me laughing...a lot.  And so, the courtship began and within a couple of years, a wedding was being planned.  How did it happen, you ask?  

Well, I'm gonna tell you...

One Saturday morning, "he" can home after a motorcycle ride.  I asked how it was.  He said fine, he went to drop something off at my parents.  

Then he proceeded to tell me that the topic of destination weddings came up.  "Why?"  I asked.  "Someone is getting married on an island," he replied.  

In my mind, I was trying to figure out who my parents knew that would be getting married on an island?  All their friends were already happily married.

"So," he continued, "I asked your parents what they thought if we got married abroad."

"Really?"  I was surprised.  "What did they say?"

"Your mom is fine with it but your dad says he'd rather we did it here," he informed me.

"Good to keep in mind," I replied.  That was the end of the discussion.


Over the course of the next month, things like, we need to book a venue, what about an officiant, how about getting married in your parents garden, came up.  We had begun to plan a wedding without him ever really asking me to marry him.

I mentioned this to him. 

His reply to me was short and curt. "It'll happen when it happens!  I haven't got the ring yet!" I told him the ring didn't matter. "Don't ask me when, it will happen, don't nag!" was his reply.

What the...?!?  Talk about putting the horse before the cart!  Pretty presumptuous of him to think I would have said yes.  And nagging?!?  He really didn't know me at all! I couldn't have cared less about a ring.  I wanted the words...

And so, 24 hours before our pending nuptials, this is what happened...

'Twas the night before our wedding and all through the house, 
Plans were being made by my future spouse.
When over a bowl of my mamma's spaghetti,
He pulled out a box and asked if I was ready.  
With food in my mouth and lead in my heart
This proposal was too lame to leave a spark
All the plans were complete, the wedding's tomorrow
I had to say yes and hide all my sorrow
Guests were arriving, the gifts were all bought
This second proposal didn't go like I thought
Not sure how this happened, my story of woe
Two husbands, two marriages and proposals that BLOW!

Talk to me!  I want to know about your proposals beginning to end?  I am still a hopeless romantic and maybe, just maybe, my girl Noelle has it right with her "eternal engagement"...there is something so absolutely perfect about that phrase -- makes my heart swell with love!! 


  1. LOVE THE POEM!!! hahah! That was epic. OMG. Over an effing bowl of spaghetti? Oh Audrey....what a terrible courtship and proposal. Okay, new rule. You have to divulge all details of your new dates to us (your readers) and WE will decide if he's worth a second, third, fourth date. Deal? Btw, showing up late and/or in a sweatshirt? Deal breaker.

    1. LOL! Beth you are the BEST! And you are absolutely correct, lateness + sweatshirt do not equal a happy ever after...but alas, that was then and this is now and I am a new woman! Funny how things change as you get older! There is no hurry to outrun the biological clock anymore, no need to equate marriage with a forever after. If I had never met these two, I wouldn't be who I am today and I would not have my two most precious gifts! But, I do deserve to be the centre of ones undying affection! I think that we would have a blast if I had you as my wing woman!!!

    2. We WOULD have a blast, there is NO doubt in my mind!! I will come visit you in the south of France and we will get in big trouble having fun!! I mean we will get in big fun getting in trouble...I mean we will be little angels discovering the culture. And drink wine. And eat cheese. And explore French men. What? Did I say that out loud? and meant explore French meteorology. yeah. that's the ticket.

    3., cheese and French meteorology...just what I was thinking. :) Luv ya!

  2. Both proposals were done while you were eating! How convenient.....!! Agree with you Audrey, it's all about effort from now on. No more lazy ass dates either. Keep up the good writing btw. Very visual without being overly descriptive!

    1. Thanks Fong!! I learned a lot from these two and the bar is significantly higher now!!! I am sure that Joe's proposal to you was a million times more romantic!!!