Wednesday 21 May 2014

Deer Caught in the Headlights? Not me!

I can hear the sound of my heart pounding in my ears and with every second that passes it quickens. My hands are clammy and my breathing is erratic. My skin crawls with the anticipation of what is going to happen next. I have no idea. And the unknown is scaring the hell out of me. But I'm not a deer caught in the headlight kinda girl. I feel the fear and forge through it, catapulting myself further then I ever thought possible. Standing face to face with this numbing emotion, I stare it down and inevitably win in the end. 

Life is full of moments where we are faced with a decision, where the unknown could be a multitude of possibilities. Some people become crippled by this and choose to continue to live their life status quo, never venturing off the path guaranteed to be dull and mundane. As I look back at my life, I can identify these pivotal moments where fear stood in my way. It was when the adrenaline started pumping that I could feel movement forward into the unknown. 

When my marriage was dying it's slow and painful death, I was scared. I had two small babies and was still on maternity leave. Fear crippled me and in order to keep things moving along smoothly I became the scapegoat for everything that was wrong in our relationship. He knew that I was scared and used it to his advantage. It took a long time for me to even think about leaving. What would happen to me? To my kids? How would I survive? When I finally mustered up enough strength and courage to suggest we split up he offered me an alternative. Stay and we would live separate lives, this way it would be easier financially. For one brief, fleeting moment I actually entertained this thought. It was safe but I had more respect for myself than to stay in a loveless marriage. I chose the unknown. I left with no job, living in cramped quarters at my parents and had very little self esteem. I didn't let fear stop me. In fact, I think it made me more determined to succeed. 

Now I've always been the type to jump in head first and then figure it out. For me fear has always been the catalyst for pushing the limits, MY limits. In the wake of my new found singledom, I became a survivor. I embarked on a new business career with no business training whatsoever. I was terrified I'd fall but the fear made me actively search for ways to stay standing up. And I did. 

Now I am once again faced with an uncertain future and fear is rearing it's ugly head once more. I took one day to acknowledge that fear, even succumb to it. 24 hours was all it received. I still don't know what the future will hold but I have already started spinning my wheels. If nothing changes then I will be ecstatic but I am also over the moon that I still have the energy to carve a new path that will be better than before. 

Fear shouldn't be debilitating. We allow this emotion to become bigger in our mind than it actually is. LIFE is what we should see as big and we should constantly keep moving. For me it is quite simple...

Fear is my propellant and the unknown is my future garden.

Talk to me! Share a story where facing your fear has resulted in discovering something bigger and better!


  1. After exiting the academy, I thought there was nothing left for me in terms of a profession. It was only afterwards that I embarked on a writing career that is bringing me more pleasure and happiness than I've ever experienced. Fear of the unknown is real. And sometimes it forces us to get real. I agree that fear can be an awesome motivator.