Thursday 6 March 2014

It's 7a.m. I'm Done.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP….
I really hate the sound of my alarm clock. It pulls me out of my blissful slumber and catapults me into, what has become, a god-awful stressful morning.

You would think working from home would allow me the luxury of time but in fact it is the absence of time constraints that make me rush around like a mad woman.

Here are the top five things that make my morning stressful:

1. The Snooze Button – I used to think that this was the best part of the alarm. Not so much anymore. This 10 minute reprieve given by clock engineers around the world has made my life hell. I have discovered that in 10 minutes I can fall back into a full slumber. I have also discovered that while searching for things in the dark is virtually impossible, I am able to locate the snooze button, with back turned in a dark room, with one hand – bulls eye EVERY SINGLE TIME! And by every time, I mean 4 times after my original alarm. Which means, I AM ALWAYS IN A RUSH.

2. Thing 1 and Thing 2 – How long do I have to call them for them to wake up? Apparently, until I lose my shit and scream like a mad woman. Of course this wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t overslept to begin with, right? All I know is that they move slower than molasses in a polar vortex, oozing themselves out of bed one cell at a time. And speaking of polar vortexes…

3. The Polar Vortex – Okay, this winter has been one for the books. The weather has been incredibly cold everywhere. Ensuring that both Thing #1 and Thing #2 are properly protected is an ongoing battle. Hats go missing, gloves are lost, extra sweaters are left behind and winter boots forgotten at school. I have come to the point where I tell them it is their problem After all, I don’t have to go outside.

4. One bathroom – Oh the joys of condo dwelling! Yes. One bathroom, three people. Any way you do this math, it will come up with an impossible answer. Especially when you add in what time we need to be out of the house! Mornings are spent refereeing – “I got here first!”, “Hurry up, I gotta pee!”, “Unlock the door, NOW!” That last is ALWAYS me.

5. My dog – I love her dearly, truly I do. I have a place in the laundry room where I have lovingly placed a pad for her to use when the “need” hits. Every morning without fail, she gets up when my feet hit the floor and goes to the laundry room. And every morning without fail, she pees BESIDE the pad. Of course, I don’ t notice this until I am done with lunches and breakfast and the million other things I have to do and it has spread all over the floor. I should have invested in antibacterial wipes when I brought the dog home. My kids think it is hilarious at how many times I wash the floor because, as luck would have it, she tends to walk through it and leave footprints all over my hardwood floor.

I am looking forward to my upcoming vacation, when the dog stays with grandma and the kids can wake at their own leisure. Where alarm clocks don’t exist and I can sleep until the sun wakes me. Where the cold won’t bother me because I won’t have to go outside.

Talk to me! I would love to know what the "craziness" in your morning routine is and how you cope...share please!  Am I the only mad woman out there??

6 comments:

  1. Ugh - I hate my alarm clock, too. She is such a bitch always interrupting things like sleep and sex dreams with my celebrity crush (Adrian Grenier), and then ten minutes later friggin beeping at me again. I can't stand her!!! The only thing that is (can this even be) a bright side is that I rarely get woken up by my alarm clock because my three year old daughter sleeps on the same schedule as a drill sergeant for Navy Seals, so she's in my room no later than 5:45 almost every single morning. But still, even getting up before the crack of dawn, I'm still running around the house like a mad woman screaming at my "molasses" moving children to get shoes on and brush teeth and get backpacks, etc. Mornings...totally overrated. Enjoy your restful blissful vacation!!!!!

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    1. Ha! I am so glad to know that there are others that feel as I do! And I totally forgt about those amazing sex dreams that are always interrupted (for me, it is Adam Levine...sigh!) My kids are sleepers, always have been and will probably continue to be. I keep thinking that this will get better but I may be delusional. Perhaps a permanent vacation will solve my woes?

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  2. Funny thing about me- I wake up every morning as the alarm clicks that is getting ready to go off. Every. Single. Morning. I don't miss it either. I never used to use the snooze button but lately I hit it three or four time and, just like you, I fall right back into a deep sleep. It sucks! I hear you about the kids and having to become the screaming shrew for them to listen, and it's not just a morning thing. I wish they would learn to tell time so I didn't have to continue to shout out the time all morning! I know you are all so tired of this winter and I wish for an end to it really, really soon!

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    1. Mornings...ugh....all the way around. I remember watching shows where the mom would get up looking her wonderful self and traipze down to the kitchen; she'd call out "breakfast!" and down would trot her three kids, husband and the family dog. The sun would be shining and they'd eat breakfast as a family. Mom would look at the clock and say it was time to go. Kids would grab their lunches and bags and hubby would give a peck on the cheek goodbye. It was all a hoax! Life isn't like that...it is chaos and craziness. Maybe if I tell my kids this story they will play along...for one morning at least?

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  3. I just had to read this post after the intro you gave it on facebook. Yes. And no, 7:30 is not too early. :)

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    1. Hi Sarah! Thanks for stopping by! Glad you liked it and confirmed for me that I CAN crack that bottle of wine open at breakfast :)

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