Watch, Learn, Grow and Love

Twenty years ago I returned home after travelling abroad. I spent just over a year exploring parts of the world that were exquisite and exotic and fantastic and foreign. Backpacking after graduating university proved to be one of the most eye opening experiences in my life and the lessons I learned then have helped form who I am today.

The flight from Toronto to Australia was ridiculously long so after some consideration a decision was made to start the journey westward by train to Los Angeles where I would then board a plane for Sydney. It was during this sabbatical from the 9 to 5 days of “normal life” when I realized how much I LOVE to travel. I wasn’t sure about living out of a backpack, staying in hostels and travelling by bus, train, plane and automobile.  I just didn’t do these things. They weren’t part of my everyday existence and the idea of leaving my so called “ivory tower” was terrifying. But I did and I lived to share my story.

Up until I left, my world was a small, comfortable place created by friends, family and myself.  The walls that surrounded me were cushioned and there was always someone around to kiss any bumps or bruises I had.  I had always thought I was an independent girl, wanting to do things for herself, never letting fear stop her, taking that proverbial leap of faith when that was all I had. Well, I was wrong. My independence, my true sense of independence came from this adventure.

I was on the other side of the world before the days of the Internet and Facebook. Daily communication with those who had been my security blanket all my life was very sparse and costly! There was no one around to tell me to do this or not do that. I did what I wanted. Reverse bungee jumping, rappelling down an 18 story building, drinking Bundaberg rum until I couldn’t stand any longer. So, maybe some of my choices weren’t the smartest but isn’t that what growing up is about?  Learning how to make these choices, suffering the repercussions of the wrong ones and basking in the glory of the right ones?

Twenty years later I am sitting here reflecting on that year away and my memory is flooded with the good, bad and ugly of the trip. In the midst of all this, I have one memory that has been etched in permanent ink in my mind.  It is one of the places my minds drifts to when I want a break from the monotony of my day.

In the distance, a splendid haze of reddish-orange blasts against a crystal clear blue sky. It is almost 350 metres high and about 4 kilometres long. Ayers Rock stands in front of me, smack dab in the middle of an empty plain known as the Red Centre. The thrill here is to climb to the top and see how vast plains really are. I had fully intended to embark upwards on this journey that would bring me closer to Nirvana.

Walking along the base taking note of the beauty of this magnificent chunk of ancient sandstone, I met a man named Peter. He was a delightful old man who shared the many legends behind “Uluru”, the aboriginal word for the rock.  Every feature of the rock means something to them, from the cracks and fissures to the caves and waterholes. Natives don’t climb the rock as a tribute to their belief and herein lay an issue that Peter struggled with daily: the clash between ancient traditions and what now has become modern tradition – climbing the rock. 

We continued to talk as we walked. I noticed glimmering plaques all inscribed with the names of the brave few who perished in their own battle with Uluru. It was then I made the decision to sit and not climb up with the rest. There are times when I wonder what I missed by not climbing up but then I think about what the climbers missed by not sitting down and enjoying what was in front of them.  I am happy I took that time to enjoy and focus on the moment instead of using mind, body and soul to get me to the summit. An ancient aboriginal proverb says, “We are all visitors to this time, this place... Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love and then we return home." And this is what I learned sitting in the tranquil beauty of theses plains.

Ayers Rock, Northern Territory
Australia
Photo credit Audrey Bresar

It was 2 ½ hours since the others made their ascent before I see them cantering down the last part of Ayers Rock exhausted. The battle between man and rock is over. Man has won, this time.  The chatter of how arduous the climb was and how beautiful the sight was from atop began. I listened and smiled politely, noticing that the sun was setting and in the midst of all the excitement, I looked over the crowd and saw the most incredible thing.

Watching the sun set around this sacred piece of rock, a beautiful metamorphosis occurs.  The monolith that stood so majestically changes its colour from fierce red to warm orange and then a deeper shade of crimson and finally a silent grey. The red rock that towers over on-lookers, that holds the secrets of many battles and that defeated some of those who tried to conquer it now sleeps like a baby in the distance.

Maybe it is not so intimidating after all.
 

Talk to me! Where did you find your independence? What did you learn?

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

In one of my recent post's, Adam's Rib, I ended it by saying "I am in love with ME". While I have been sharing details of this journey of falling back in love with me through my stories, I have never really thanked the people who have taught me the lessons that brought me to this point.

 

As I mentioned in my post, Happy Valentine's Day, Now Get Out, watching my two friends say "I do" prompted me to realize I deserved better than what I had allowed my life to become.  SF and KB are a couple I still watch in awe. They compliment each other so wonderfully and not because of all the years they have spent together. There is a genuine understanding and respect between them that I see everyday. It does exist and I know that I can find it when I see them weave their life together. So, thank you to them.
 

To the Brazilian beauty who taught me that I am my own brand and if I don't take care of me no one else will, I raise my glass. You opened my eyes and made me realize I needed to take care of myself. It's okay to splurge every once in a while on something nice for me. My life is not all about the kids. I am a woman who deserves a special treat now and then. You opened my eyes to see that I am worth the investment.
 

My Scottish lovely, you taught me life was all about change and that if anyone could embrace it, I could. You pushed me and prodded me to rise to the next level when I was learning a new career. You were tough and demanding and made me cry but you taught me everything I needed to know about achieving success through hard work and determination. Through examples of your own, you showed me I am capable of anything I put my mind too and should never settle for sloppy seconds. You never let me say "I can't".

To the two men who recently have told me they find me intriguing and fascinating. Thank you for that. Thank you for finding that nugget of gold inside me that makes you want to dig some more and get to know me. It is nice to know that new people I meet find me interesting and want to get to know more. We so often hide ourselves in our life, afraid to venture out and see what is outside our doorstep. When we hide, we forget how awesome we are and when you finally jump off the stoop, WOW! 

Mr. S. my biggest cheerleader! Without you I would never have moved forward with my writing. I always had pen and paper in hand and it was only after sharing some of my words with you that I realized maybe I could do more with this. Family always supported and encouraged me but it was YOUR belief in me that gave me what I needed to take that step forward. I am eternally grateful. More than you will ever know.

 

JT you rock! You stood by my side and let me step outside the box to do something that was for ME, something that took courage and guts to do.  And I did and you talked me through it. Talk about empowering and fun!  Talk about exposing the heart and soul! I learned something about myself. Life happens when you live it. You helped me get there.

KBo you are my rock.  You never judge, you don't try to fix and you make a mean martini. You helped me focus on me which is what I needed to do. We all need that one person that keeps it real and doesn't let you accept defeat. Your strength is amazing and the energy that surrounds you is awesome. Like I said, MY rock.
 

Thing 1 and Thing 2, without you in my life, I would not have been so driven to create a home. You have taught me to look at the world through your eyes and slow down and that makes me happier than anything. Much of what I do, how I behave, is done to show you that anything is possible. You are my life and through you I continue to become the best ME I can be.
 

All these people and a whole slew more were the pillars along the road of my journey to now. In some way or another, they helped me take that next step forward.  None of them, not one, has ever made me stumble or fall. They picked me up, kissed my cuts and bruises, brushed off the dirt and pushed me forward. They made life seem possible again and taught me to look inward not outward for true happiness.  

 

There are so many more that I could thank that touch different parts of my life. 

And that is the point.

You carve the path of your life but it is the people along the sides that cheer you on that keep you moving. They are the people you live with, the people you play with, the people you work with, the community you build. Choose these people carefully. They should be positive and encouraging.  Keep all the naysayers and toxic people at arm's length. It is those people who thwart your growth and suck the energy right out of you.

 

So every once in a while, we should all take the time to thank the academy of people in our lives that help us be the best we can be.  

Talk to me! Who would you thank in your life for all their encouragement and support? 

Who Am I?

I am sitting on a stool with my pants pulled down, just past my hips, as an artist named Max tattoos three characters on my lower back.

Three simple reminders of who I am.

You see somewhere along the path of my life, I lost sight of who I was, what dreams I had and what I had wanted to become.  Losing my voice and my way, I became what others wanted to see in front of them.

Stripped away of my confidence, my belief and my raison d'être, I became a black and white shadow in my own life.  A secondary character who would be missed in a crowd of two.  Looking around at the very beige surroundings I had created for myself, I knew I had to inject some colour back into my life.  Bright, vivid, techno colour.  The stuff rainbows were made up of. Beige was not who I was and definitely not what I wanted to be remembered as.

First stop was that tattoo parlour.

And I did it.  

Branding myself, forever,  in an indelible ink, to always remind me of who I am. 

Woman.  Mother.  Daughter.

The three things that would never change. 

This was how I began my journey of figuring out who I am.

Of falling for me.